Last night around 1:30 I woke up with my heart pounding, my mind racing and scared. Why? Well, right after we were married Mr. B and I had a guy break into our apartment in the middle of the night and creep around our bed until I woke up and screamed to Mr. B that someone was in our room . Then the creep ran out of our room and jumped through our 2nd bedroom window and disappeared. So, a 30 second moment of extreme panic with the creep breaking into my safe place(home) has given me years, and years of panic attacks. Just add that panic know to loosing my little Gem. My brain understands she is gone, but for some reason my body seems to freak out periodically because it thinks I should still be holding a baby.
We bought our house last spring and have done a ton of remodeling. Mr. B put up new light/fan fixtures in all of the rooms and for some reason, periodically in the middle of the night our front room light turns on. Last night was the 3rd time it has done this throughout the last year. I see the extra light coming underneath my door, freeze in fear, think about waking Mr. B, but then hear him snoring and don't have the heart to wake him. So I walk to the door, put my hand on the handle, freeze in fear again because my heart is about going to pound out of my chest. Then quickly open the door, bravely walk into the front room glance around, to see if anyone is in there, turn off the light and run back to bed. Usually I can fall back asleep, but last night full panic mode struck and trying to calm myself down was almost next to impossible. I feel that I have to keep an eye on my bedroom door to keep us safe, since Mr. B can sleep through the worlds largest earth quake and wake up the next morning explaining what a wonderful nights rest he had...While I am frazzled to bits and still trying to deal with my emotions. Aagh, life...So, do you get panic attacks? What do you do to work through them? How do you calm yourself down when your heart is beating out of your chest and you can't breath?
Saturday, January 7, 2012
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