The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook and Cooking through My Grief

Taking it one recipe at a time. 2013 will be mainly focused on "The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook," by Dinah Bucholz, and how doing what I love, cooking, being with my family and reading Harry Potter will help me process my grief associated with loosing my 3 week old daughter, Ruby, on November 18th, 2011.
Join me for a "culinary magical masterpiece" throughout 2013!

Friday, July 20, 2012

"The Race of Life"

A week before Ruby was born I wrote a list of everything that HAD to be accomplished before my baby girl was born. I assumed the Lord would take my list into account and see to it that I had all of my ducks in a row before our 2nd child arrived. Looking back I realize they were trivial things that didn't matter too much, for example: stock up the fridge/pantry with food, make sure all laundry is done, organize Rose's closet, have the bathrooms cleaned, and all floors vacuumed/swept. Okay, so maybe that list doesn't seem so trivial, but in retrospect to me, now they are. I guess I realized that all of things were accomplished eventually. Ruby did come a week earlier than planned and things were left unfinished at home for weeks/months. In fact some things became a non-issue. Thankfully to the wonderful people who we are surrounded by, my fridge was filled and so was my pantry, and it wasn't by me, in fact, I didn't even walk into a grocery store for at least 2 months after Ruby had come and gone. (I just about had a panic attack walking into Kroger that first time after months of being away.) Family and friends came and cleaned my fridge, did my dishes, scrubbed my bathroom did the laundry and folded it. They even vacuumed and swept my floors. Thinking back on this service brings tears of gratitude to my eye's! In a time in my life when truly the very most important things were spending every minute I could in the hospital, holding my Ruby's hand, I had peace and new that at that moment I was where I needed to be. Or when I was able to spend time with my Rosie it was not spent cleaning and rushing about the house, it was spent imagining with her, reading stories, watching movies and snuggling.
  Eventually, I of course have had to write my lists again, but the priority's aren't so high. If something on the list does not get crossed off, that's okay. I have written it down and know that eventually after my Rose has been interacted with and snuggled and I have been able to visit with my husband I can get to all of that. The most important things are no longer things to me. The most important things are spending quality time with my husband, daughter, extended family and friends.
President Thomas S. Monson gave a beautiful talk in last April's conference called "The Race of Life". I wanted to post it on here! He truly speaks of where the greatest peace and joy can be found!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

What Happened to Harry Potter?

So, as many of you know early in march I lost my appetite had way too many food aversions and we began to buy ready made meals for a while until I could open up a cookbook and not gag reading through the ingredients...yep, I'm pregnant, again. I was just able yesterday to finally pull out my Harry Potter cookbook and look through it a bit, but until I return to normal (early November) I am not committing to anything that involves food. I still would like to post a bit about our grieving process as it is therapeutic for me to write out what I am feeling though.
 Yesterday marked our 8th month of loosing our Ruby. Its crazy how quickly time has gone, or perhaps its just that we become numb to day's, weeks and months and now just look forward to being reunited with her again. Either way Brian and I are realizing more and more that grieving is a roller coaster. We will be cruising along in our life and things will be great, we have been very, very blessed and have so many things to be grateful for, and then it will hit. Like a great bomb I will close my eye's at night and there will be Ruby, in her last moments, I see the doctors, I see the faces, I hear the words and I don't believe them, I know she will live, people don't die-at least they don't die in Disney Movies. So then there I am in shock, holding my newly deceased infant in my arms waiting for her to wake up and she doesn't, and she won't, not until Christ comes again and we can all be reunited. It seems so unfair that anyone should have to hold their dead baby/child, and then I think about it and I feel that I am not being the fair one-I want to keep my seriously ill baby alive. I want it for me so I can hold her and kiss her. And so easily forget that She would have multiple open heart surgery's and suffer a life time of limiting disabilities. So, is it fair that God took her home to him? Was the tender mercy that He gave us Ruby who touched our hearts and changed us forever, even if it was for a short time. And was their a second tender mercy by Him taking her home so that she would not have to live a life full of suffering and pain? I think the answer is yes to both of these, or at least that is how I get through my nightly visions of her last few hours/days. Not all my dreams are bad, I have been blessed with sweet peaceful dreams too. In fact I had one earlier this week that Brian and I were heading to the hospital to pick our Ruby up and bring her home with us, the only problem with that dream is that I woke up...
  I found this quote yesterday and loved how absolutely accurate it was with the grief that we have been feeling;
 "I was wholly at peace, at ease and at rest, so that there was nothing upon earth which could have afflicted me. This lasted only for a time, and then I was changed...I felt there was no ease or comfort for me except faith, hope and love and truly I felt very little of this. And then presently God gave me again comfort and rest for my soul...And then again I felt the pain, and then afterwards the delight and the joy, now the one and now the other, again and again."-Julian of Norwich
 Perhaps our feelings are the new norm. The roller coaster of emotion is just part of our new life. Tears will hit anywhere at any moment and emotions will take us back, and then the next minute we will be at peace and ease again. The hardest part of dealing with these emotions is to not get frustrated with yourself. I have to keep the saying "2 steps forward, 3 steps back" as being a part of my emotional health program. The thing that brings me great peace is knowing that our new family of the broken hearted  understand exactly how we feel and understand these crazy emotions!

1 Ne. 21 vs. 15-16 Book of Mormon (also in Isaiah 49, Bible)
  "For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son(daughter) of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy wall are continually before me."

Monday, July 9, 2012

FHE Preparedness and 72 hour kit

Its Monday again, Time for FHE:)
 Here is tonights outline:
Opening Songs, Family Mission Statement, Prayer

Lesson: If Ye Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear, Elder L. Tom Perry, 1995 

If you would like you can watch this short movie clip on what to put into her 72 hour kit you can, it is helpful:

Activity:I made a list earlier today of things we have around the house to put into our kits. Gather some bags/backpacks that you are going to put your things in. And then we are going to have a scavenger hunt around the house to gather them. 
When that is finished we are going to discuss what our family plan is in case of a fire, who will grab what and where we will meet up, also where the fire extinguisher is in our house. We also will come up with a Tornado plan(unfortunately we deal with these a lot more than I would like! So its time to have a plan!)

I think we are going to go swimming after all of this running around! Its still hot out!

Closing Prayer

Snack: Shaved Ice

Happy Family Night:)

Monday, July 2, 2012

Family Home Evening-Celebrating our Liberty

I think people who do family night get into their own routine's, but if you are wanting something new to try to energize the evening feel free try out some of our idea's. This is a bit long, but I want you to know what we do, in the future I won't use as much detail. Keep me posted on what you have done or do for FHE, I always need new/more idea's.

Here is our FHE outline for tonight:

Song: Family Night, The Family(We always sing these two songs A Capella to start our family night. We let Rose run around the couch as a way to help get a bit of energy out while we sing)  
    "Family Night"Childrens Song Book pg. 195-
     "The Family" Childrens Song Book pg. 194-
Our Family Mission Statement: Brian and I wrote our own Family mission Statement for FHE when we were first married and worked on Memorizing it. We recite it every family night and is a good reminder of what our family means to each other and how we are going to support each other. I will put it at the bottom of this post in case you are wondering what we wrote.
Song:Rosie-Article of faith 3 (we have been working  learning the Article's of Faith the last few months. Rose knows the first 2 so we are working on the 3rd.) You can choose a song that goes along with the FHE theme if you would like.
Lesson: Mommy
We are going to be watching "The Title of Liberty" short video, and then talk about our freedoms. Since Rosie is still young I'm sure it will be a very short discussion.  I am wanting to start teaching Rose The Pledge of Allegiance and figured this would be a great time to do it.
         Title of Liberty video:
        The Pledge of Allegiance:
Closing Prayer:Rosie
Activity: We are going to color these flags, and then go swimming...its HOT out! Time to cool off! :)

"Our Family Mission is:
To Love each other,
To understand and have Patience with each other,
To strengthen and support each other at all times.
To have faith and be Obedient,
To seek Knowledge and virtue and to have Christ like Charity.
We Are Together Forever!" 

"We Are Together Forever" is our family motto. Every night at bed time after we have family prayer with Rose we each put our hands together and chant it-like in a baseball huddle. Rosie loves it and we don't want her to forget that she is ours forever:)