and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces...
Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him,
and he will save us..."
When you cry this much you realize that tears feel different. Sometimes the tears come thick, and full and heavy, some are cold, and some seem thin and small, and yet after each tear I feel a bit better and just a bit more capable to make it through a few more hours, or the rest of the day, or night. Right after Ruby passed away I would wake up in the morning and the instant my eye's would open I would cry, and it never really seemed to stop. Now, two months later I seem to not be able to fall asleep at night before crying a few tears. The tears aren't so bitter now though. I cry remembering the sweet memories of Ruby, like the first time I saw her adorable chubby little cheeks and her floppy little newborn body. I smile, and I cry. Its a strange phenomenon to me!
I am reading a book called "Healing After Loss." There is a quote in it by Dr. Karl Menninger that says, "Weeping is perhaps the most human and universal of all relief measures." It goes on to say that crying really does make you feel better. "Crying has helpful physiological as well as psychological effects. Researchers at the University of Minnesota have found that emotional tears (as opposed to those shed from exposure to wind, say , or a cut onion) contain two important chemicals, leucine-enkephalin and prolactin, and that the first of these is thought to be related to one of the body's natural pain-relieving substances. Tears are, they tell us, one of the functions of such processes is to help cleanse the body of substances that accumulate under stress...Often when people can cry, the work of healing can begin."
So for me I will follow the guidance I am given of "No more apologies. No more uneasiness. My tears are for my healing. Perhaps, too, my tears will give others permission to cry when they feel the need."
Some of my most treasured family and friends have wept with me the last two months and no one has been ashamed to cry or apologized and somehow all of us have been strengthened, just by being there for each other. So, the next time you feel like crying don't be afraid, just let it all out! You will feel better when its all done, and anyone who see's you will be compassionate towards you. Like the old school t-shirts used to say, "No Fear," just lest the tears come!