VACATION!

We are going on a "healing vacation" with Rosie this next week and we are soooooooo excited! We are headed to Disney World, and going on a Disney Cruise!!!!!!!! So excited!
I just wanted you all to know that I did cook my meals this past week but it has been crazy, so I will post about my meals, and our trip when I get back!

Thick Porridge with Cream and Treacle

Harry ate his thick, sticky porridge while talking with Ron about his class schedule (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, ch. 8). Also, Professor Umbridge eats some porridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, ch. 25, while glaring at the teachers as they discuss the mass outbreak from Azkaban.
I actually woke up at 6 a.m. this morning for no particular reason. I just laid in bed for about ten minutes and then got up. I was able to take a slow morning and by 7 a.m Rose still wasn't awake so I decided to make some Porridge the Harry Potter way for breakfast. I have never made hot oatmeal this way and wasn't quite sure how it would turn out. You boil water, then then add your oats and then let it simmer for about a 1/2 hour, until all the water is boiled out of it. Then, we actually had heavy cream in our fridge so I poured a bit of that on my porridge and the recipe called for a Golden syrup to be poured on top of that. So I pulled out my corn syrup and squeezed it from the bottle to my bowl. I took my first bite and am very happy with it! I have never, in my life put syrup on top of oatmeal so this was somewhat of a nerve racking idea, but I do believe I will be pulling out the golden syrup from know on. It turns out that its not only delicious on pancakes! I also really like the flavor that the cream gives the oat meal too. Very delicious! I give this a 5. When Rose wakes up I will get to see what she thinks about it:)
In case you were wondering Treacle is a golden syrup, which can be substituted by molasses or light or dark corn syrup.
English History: "Often when we hear the word "porridge," we think of "Goldilocksw and the Three Bears," but its actually a real food that real people in the United Kingdom eat, especially the Scots, who've been eating porridge since before the arrival of the Anglo-Saxons in the fifth and sixth centuries" ("The unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook," Bucholz, pg. 110).
Grief and Healing: It's interesting how time makes you forget faces and dates, but the heart won't let you forget the experience or the emotions. I had to break down yesterday and watch the beautiful video's of Ruby's short life. Just as to verify to my brain that my heart isn't making things up. Ruby was beautiful! I still sometimes can feel the sensation of brushing my fingers against her soft little cheeks, and how her tiny hands would wrap themselves around my finger. Sometimes I just want to wrap my arms around my chest and think for a split second that I am hugging my little girl. These are all the desires and memories of my heart and when those moments hit my brain kicks in to bring me back to reality, and thats when I hug Rose, and I see Ruby in Rose, and they both are beautiful!

The Menu for the week of 2/19/12

Cinnamon Pull Apart Breakfast Rolls, pg. 114
Scotch Collops, pg. 141
Thick Porridge with Cream and Treacle, pg. 111
Bon Apetit!

Shepherds Pie

I know this was last weeks Valentine Main Course, but I have been a bit of a slacker. I'll blame it on life, sometimes it just gets busy! Harry ate his Shepherds Pie at dinner without much appetite. He would be spending the afternoon in detention with Professor Lockhart signing fan mail, and then finish it off by hearing a freaky voice that no one else heard. I love how Ron tells Harry in the book that it doesn't matter if your a wizard or a muggle, hearing voices is never a good thing! (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, ch. 7).
Side Note: Mr. B and I finished reading the second Harry Potter book last week and are now reading HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban. We are doing really well with getting our books read! Not to mention we both are really enjoying it!
I am not a big Shepherds Pie person, but I made this for Mr. B for our Valentine dinner kind of as a joke. His Grandpa is ALWAYS making shepherds pie. Mr. B goes to his grandparents house every week for lunch and most the time ends up with all the left overs whipped up into something with Potatoes on top. Maybe next year I will make up for the Pie and do ribs...But the pie was good! It was very easy to make and once again is a recipe where I had everything in my cupboard to make, which is always fabulous! I give this pie a 4.
English History: "Victorian housewives were delighted with the invention of the mincing machine because it helped them mince leftover roast lamb from Sunday to be used during the week in dishes such as shepherd's pie," ("The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook," Bucholz, pg. 136.
Grief and Healing: There were two babies in my church that were born one week after Ruby. One was a girl the other a boy. It has been so heart wrenching to me and Mr. B seeing their sweet babies, and how happy they are, and watching their babies grow, while ours didn't even make it to her 1 month Birthday. I have had to avoid looking at their babies because of my fear of just breaking down in tears knowing in my heart that my Ruby should be at the same milestones their babies are at. Yesterday at church one of the babies was blessed, the little girl and she was beautiful in a fluffy off white dress. This time I couldn't help but stare at her. I was ready for the unspoken awkwardness to end between me and my friends. So after church I happened to be where that family was while they took pictures with their baby. At first I couldn't look and then as they were getting ready to go, with out thinking I just stood up, went up to the Daddy and said can I hold her. I think I took him and his Wife off guard. He handed her to me and I of course did exactly what I knew I would do. I cried. That sweet baby girl looked up at me and smiled and I hurt, and yet it was sweet all at the same time. I did a little small talk with her Mommy and then put her in her car seat, and then walked away. It was a HUGE milestone for me. I have been able to hold babies since Ruby has passed away, all babies except for this one, and I finally did it and I think that Ruby was smiling at me from up in Heaven.

Hot Chocolate

The last night Harry enjoyed a delicious dinner made by Mrs. Weasley before stealing the Weasley car and driving himself to Hogwarts, Harry enjoyed a homemade desert and Hot chocolate (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Ch. 5). This was very yummy and very easy to make. I was freezing all day the other day and this chocolate was very warm and yummy! I give it a 4.
English History: Bucholz says, "Before Coenraad van Houten was born, people enjoyed hot chocolate with pools of grease floating on top. But then along came the Dutch chemist, who figured out how to press out the cocoa butter from the cocoa beans in the early 1800's. Plus, he invented Dutch cocoa, which is leaps and bounds better than natural cocoa. We modern folk owe him a big debt of gratitude: every city should have a statue of this man, and every village and hamlet should have a Coenraad van Houten Street (The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook" pg. 74.)
Side note: through cooking these meals I am finding that the author Dinah Bucholz is a very funny, creative, witty, inspiring woman! I was thinking the other day as I was cooking one of these meals about how I would just love to meet her! I'm not sure what she would think about me. I don't know if people who write cookbooks ever think that someone is actually going to cook all their meals and then critic them. Maybe I am the one person she was hoping this book wouldn't fall into the hands of, but alas, she has no other choices now. I am absolutely loving her book and Love reading her little notes and tales!
Grief and Healing: We received an unexpected fed ex delivery the other day. I excitedly opened it up and found wind chimes inside. A local group had sent us a sympathy gift. I'm not a chime person and at first was a bit hesitant. I looked a little closer at the chimes and found that written on the bottom of the tab that makes the chimes chime was "Ruby." I was touched then. I was so excited to hang them on our front porch so that everyone who comes to my house can hear our beautiful Ruby in the wind. I have chuckled a few times when the wind picks up and the chimes are playing their music like crazy knowing that I probably have a few neighbors cursing us for our wind chimes, but to us the music is beautiful. Just today Rose and I were sitting at the table eating lunch and we heard the chimes. Rose looked at me and said "Ruby's talking!" I told her yes, isn't it beautiful. Some people say that when you loose a loved one they are everywhere around you, a butterfly a chirping bird, a balloon floating away and in the wind. Last night I was having a hard time, missing my little Ruby. I laid in bed and listened to my Ruby chimes and smiled. The music she was making for me last night was beautiful and somehow whispered to me that she was very near, and she loved me. I needed that last night!

Petunia's Pudding (English Strawberry Trifle)

Lets start with desert today:) We had the Missionaries from our church over for our Valentine's dinner (lets face it, they need love too. They get a whole lot of doors slammed in their faces!) They are holding the beautiful pudding creation! This recipe comes from Harry Potter and The chamber of Secrets, Ch. 1. You know this story i'm sure...its when Dobby shows up and destroys it by dropping it on the floor all in the hopes of keeping Harry from going back to Hogwarts. It of course did not keep Harry out of Hogwarts, but got him locked in his room with food slipped under the door to him, until the Weasley's showed up to rescue Harry. I love Trifles and was so excited to make this. It is also a very elegant looking desert. I love that you put it in a glass bowl so that everyone can see the layers. This whole desert was made from scratch! I made the yellow loaf cake (very yummy) then the custard. I was very nervous about the custard as the last time I attempted custard making I ended with scrambled eggs in cream, very nasty, but fortunately the cupid's arrow of good fortune hit me and the custard turned out very beautifully! You put strawberry jam on the slices of the yellow cake then cube it. Then put the custard over the top, and the strawberry's on top of that. I also added a think layer of chocolate, because lets be honest, you can have valentines celebrations without just a little bit of chocolate. Then the whipped cream went on top. This desert is supposed to sit over night to let the flavors all meld together, but this desert only got a few hours because I did not plan ahead. It was yummy, but truly was better the next day! I give this recipe a 5 and look forward to making it again!
English History: "English trifle started out as a simple custard made of cream and egg yolks, sweetened, and then flavored with ginger and rosewater. It grew into its more elegant form in the 1800's: cake layered with fruit and custard in a clear glass dish and topped with whipped cream" Bucholz, "The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook," pg. 12.
Grief and Healing: I am realizing more and more how every person's grief is dealt with differently. Every grieving person writes their own book on how life goes on. The wonderful thing about those books is they all are correct. One person may heal a little quicker or sooner than the next, but everyone learns that they have to be patient with themselves and listen to what their heart needs. I sometimes wish that I could just be healed and get on with life, the way it was before Ruby touched my heart, but that is not the way grief works. Working through my grief I am learning that I don't need everything I thought I needed before. Life can be much, much less complicated. I realize know that I had way too much on my to do list and way too much perfection to reach. Today I am just me, and I am okay with that. I love a poem I heard once written by an unknown author. It reads "I walked a mile with pleasure, she chatted all the way, but left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with sorrow and ne'er a word said she, but oh the things I learned from her when sorrow walked with me.

Happy Valentines Day!!!

I hope you all have had a wonderful day! My sweet husband got me a beautiful Ruby Angel/Heart necklace. Its so beautiful! We went to give Ruby 3 roses tonight, and then came home and had a beautiful Harry Potter themed meal (I will post them the next couple of days.) I wanted to give all of you a Valentine gift and thought I would share one of my favorite recipes! It is my "Ruby's Sugar Cookie recipe", and trust me they are AMAZING! I actually found out that I won second place these cookies from a contest I entered. I found out I won this contest the day after Ruby was born, so that is why I renamed them my "Ruby" cookies. Enjoy:)

RUBY'S SUGAR COOKIES
1 1/4 c soft butter
2 c Sugar
2 Eggs
5 c flour
2 tsp Salt
4 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Pumpkin Pie Spice
1/2 c Milk

-Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs and beat until fluffy.
-Sift together dry ingredients and add alternately with milk to creamed mixture. If dough is sticky add flour to handle. (there is no need to chill this recipe, although I usually do unless it's an emergency.)
-Roll 1/4" thick on well-floured surface; cut.
Bake on ungreased baking sheet @ 375 degree's for 8 min., until edges just bein to brown. Cool on racks.
-Frost

Butter Cream Frosting
1 2 lb. bag powdered sugar
1 square butter (softened)
2 pinches salt
1 1/2 tsp. pure vanilla
1/2 (or slightly less) cup warmed (in microwave) milk
-Dump all ingredients in mixer bowl.
-Add milk gradually until desired thickness.
-Color and decorate as desired:)

Menu for the week of 2/12/12

Hot Chocolate, pg. 74
Shepherds Pie, pg. 136
Petunia's Pudding (English Strawberry Triffle), pg. 12
Bon Apetit:)

Harry's First Birthday Cake: Chocolate Layer Cake

This would be considered Harry's first Birthday Cake when he turned 11. Affectionately made by Hagrid (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Ch. 4). This cake is DELICIOUS! If you are a chocolate fan this is the cake for you. Its a chocolate cake, with chocolate frosting between the layers with a chocolate glaze over the top of that...its amazing. I made this cake with Rose and it was so fun. She cracked all 3 eggs for me. Of course making Harry's Birthday cake was not just to try but lovingly made for my Mothers birthday last Wednesday. My Mom is Crazy about Harry Potter too. In fact, she only listens to Harry Potter Cd's in her car. I don't even know how many times she has read through all 7 books so I knew that she would love the cake! (She also is crazy about chocolate so it was perfect all around!)


We give this cake a 5! The fun thing about this cake is that Bucholz reminds you at the end to remember that this cake was made by Hagrid, its supposed to look Homemade. I think the cake turned out beautifully homemade!
English History: "Cocoa beans were so precious to the ancient Aztecs that they used them as money. The Spanish explorers brought the beans back to Spain in the 1500's, and from there it was only a matter of time for chocolate to catch on in the rest of Europe and for the final product to be perfected. We have the Dutch to thank for figuring out how to make chocolate and cocoa powder as we know it and the Swiss for thinking of adding milk. "
Greif Help: This week has been a bit more emotional than the last. I went to visit Ruby Wednesday morning at the cemetery and I just cried as if it was yesterday that she had passed away. Its so strange how sometimes the emotions just catch me off guard and I just fall to pieces. I went back to visit Ruby on Thursday (we pass the cemetery basically every day in our daily outings), and her name marker was in place! I was so excited. Rose and I went got out of the car to check it out. I of course just started to cry again. It just made it all seem so real again and so final. My baby Ruby no longer is an unmarked grave. Her name marker is beautiful! Its just so hard to see her name and the dates of her very short life inscribed in Granite!

The Roast Beef of Old England

Ron chows down of his Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding while ranting over the fact that leprechaun gold is fake (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Ch. 28) This Roast was very Yummy! I was actually a bit apprehensive about it at first because all it calls for is a roast, 3 Tablespoons of salt and 1 Tablespoon of pepper! That is ALOT of s & p! As I was rubbing it into the roast I was intrigued with how it would taste, and of course is came out delicious! I forgot to take a picture before the roast was cut up, so sorry you can't see the whole finished product. I cooked this as part of our super bowl party last Sunday. We decided to cook it in the crock pot instead of the oven, just for convenience sake. My Moms crock pot has a meet thermometer on it and we cooked it until is was cooked to medium. I give this recipe a 5 and will so be making it again. I was actually surprised that we didn't have to put any water or broth in with the roast before cooking it. It truly was just the 3 items!
English History: "The English developed a reputation for excellence in roasting beef. Roast beef is so iportnat to the Britons that they even have a song about it called "The Roast Beef of Old England," which in turn inspired a famous painting of someone holding a huongous chunk of raw beef. INerestingly, the U.S. military plays this sond when roast beef is served at formal dinners." (The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook," Bucholz, pg. 118).
Grief Help: Nightmares! I don't get them too often, but I definitely had one the other night! I woke up around 2 a.m. with my heart pounding out of my chest and not feeling like I could breath! I grabbed my scriptures and went up to Rosie's room and just sat in her rocking chair, watching her sleep for a little while, while clinging to my scriptures, praying that God wouldn't take her from me! In my dream Rose fell off of a high building and I couldn't scream for someone to catch her. She didn't die immediatly but she was going too. We were trying to get to the childrens hospital and then all of a sudden her face changed into some old woman's face, signifying to me that she was mature now and that God was going to take her. We knew she was going to die, and I woke up pleading with God to not take her too. It took me a full 24 hours to be able to breath normal again and calm down! Typically I can push off weird dreams and move on, but this one hit too close to home. Having one daughter already die makes it more realistic that God could take my other daughter too. I guess the whole face change thing really stuck out to me because when I look through Ruby's pictures, the closer I get to the end of her life, she seemed so mature and wise, as if her soul was so much wiser than her tiny crippled body.
I felt like I needed to spend more time with Rose, which means everything else gets put on the back burner. So, Brian goes to work all day, and while he is at work I am fulfilling my job at home which is full time Mom. That means that lately dishes aren't done, laundry is not folded and the bills are not paid by the time Mr. B gets home. But, we have a happy 2 year old and I have been working all day on forming a relationship that hopefully will hold strong as she grows older. I guess I see now that I am not super Mom, I can't do everything! I am home to take care of my babies. I am a Mother. I love my job. The dishes can wait!

Menu forthe week of 2/5/12

The Roast Beef of Old England, pg. 118
Harry's First Birthday Cake: Chocolate Layer Cake, pg. 54
Bon Apetit:)

Sunday Thoughts

Today at church one of my friends bore her testimony and it truly touched me. She is part of the family of the Broken Hearted and has seen A LOT of loss in her life through multiple miscarriages, loosing two husbands and a daughter at various times throughout her life. She made the comment that Sometimes we don't know why things happen to us, they just do... I love that she said that. So many times we try to figure out Why us? Why Me? or others will say its because we are just such good people, and that drives us crazy because we think, "you are better people then us! Why haven't you been faced with this type of devastation." I have to agree with the view of sometimes things just happen. Its nothing that anyone did, or that God forced upon someone. Things just happen.
Just after Ruby passed away I would often find myself singing the song "Come, Come ye Saints" while I was in the shower. Especially the 4th verse. For some reason it brought me peace.
The fourth verse say's, "And should we die before our journey's through, happy day all is well. We then are free from pain and sorrow too, with the just we shall dwell. And if our lives are spelled again to see the saints their rest obtained, oh how we'll make this chorus swell, All is Well, All is Well.

Sweet Orange Marmalade

Marmalade is mentioned often in Harry Potter books. Hermione avoidds discussing her very busy schedule with Ron by asking for some Marmalade. (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 6).I am not an Orange Marmalade fan so I made this one just to get it out of the way. But, I have never made homemade Orange Marmalade and I have now discovered that there is a big difference between Homemade and store bought. The reason I haven't really liked Marmalade is because it seems so bitter tasting. With the homemade made version I was really able to control the bitterness. Bucholz suggested to scrape out the white part of the orange because that is what makes the marmalade bitter. So, basically with this recipe you boil the oranges for 1 1/2 hours, then pull them out and peel them and then Juice the orange flesh, and scrape the white out of the orange peel. You really can scrape it very thin, to the point where you just have a very thin orange peel, and then mince it in small pieces. I over cooked the jam and it gelled a bit more than what it should have. It doesn't really spread, but that is my fault! It now just tastes like an orange candy though. I will probably try to make this again so that I can try it as a spread, not as a candy.
English History: "A Scottish merchant brought his wife a load of bitter Seville oranges, not very edible. Instead of saying, "What do you expect me to do with these?" as an ordinary housewife might have done, she marched into the kitchen to experiment, and thus orange marmalade was born." ("The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook," Bucholz, pg. 110)
Greif Help: I was motivated to make the marmalade and soup this week the day I heard about Carlie's baby's issue. I needed something to preoccupy my mind and found the self-motivation to just cook, and it helped. Its interesting to see how cooking and doing these meals really is helping me out and giving me an "out." I was explaining to my friend Natalie how you scrape out the white in the orange peel to make the marmalade and she told me how it applied to me in a way. I am a different person from my loosing my Ruby, and through cooking through my grief in a way I am scraping out my emotions and hopefully be a more refined, compassionate, and understanding person from all of this. Its great for me to see that my goals this year and truly helping me through.

Jam Doughnuts

Ron is eating a Jam Doughnut at the end of "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" as Dumbledore announces that Lockhart is leaving for good! (Ch. 18) Everyone of course is excited to see Lockhart leave but I think if I was there eating a Jam Doughnut I would have totally missed that bit of exciting news because I would be reveling and at the same time speechless because of how delicious these doughnuts are!!! Seriously, buy the book if you haven't yet! These doughnuts are the best homemade doughnuts I have ever had! Buchoulz definately knows how to make bread delicious! I filled my little doughnut men, women and snowmen with some "Amish Blackberry Pie Filling" and they were delicious! In the book I was told to just sprinkle powdered sugar over the top of the doughnuts, but I am crazy about glazed doughnuts so I made my own with water, powdered sugar and vanilla. Very easy to make, and of course added the perfect finishing touch! On a scale of 1-5 I give these doughnuts a 5000:)
English History: "Do Oily cakes sound appetizing? Well, that what the Dutch settlers called them (oeliekoeken) when they introduced these little fried cakes in America. IN england, when most people celebrate Pancake Day, the residents of the town of Baldock (about 30 miles north of London) celebrate their own version, called Doughnut Day. In England the most popular type of doughnut has no hole and is filled with jam." ("The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook," Bucholz, pg. 174).
Grief Help: This meal was made Saturday night while I was at my parents house with my Mr. B, Rosie, and some close friends of ours. It took so long to get these doughnuts ready to eat because of the raising time, but it was so delicious and worth the wait! It was wonderful to sit around and devour these little oily cakes with my family and friends! As I was driving back to our house late the next night I was thinking about my little Ruby and I couldn't help but think about all the way's that she touched our lives and changed us for the better! Just a few are, she taught me to love everyone, even people who are different from me. She gave me wonderful new friends that I wouldn't have had without her medical needs. Ruby has brought my family and Brian's family closer together. But most importantly Ruby has taught me more about God and how he works! I am more aware now that I am not invincible, that there truly is a time and a season for everyone who is on the earth, and no one truly knows when they will be called home. We honestly felt that Ruby would be here with us for many, many years! But God has the master plan and I am learning to submit my will to his.

Warm and Hearty Mulligatawny Soup

This soup was one of the last meals eaten while Aunt Marge was visiting. Harry was so excited to have had an uneventful visit until he lost it and ended up blowing up Aunt Marge. This is what Bucholz thought was of the soup that was on the menu. (Harry Potter and teh Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 2.)
We really enjoyed this soup! Brian and I both gave it a 5. It was very convenient because I had everything I needed for it. It reminded me of a Hawaiian Haystack because you put a little bit of coconut on top of it. It also has rice and a sliced apple, celery, carrot and onion with Curry, Salt and Pepper as the spices. It was a fabulous blend of flavors! This soup was very delicious and definitely one that everyone should try it!
English History: "Only the British can take some Indian words and make it sound like a place in ireland. Mulligatawny is actually a combination of two Tamil words (Tamil is one of many Indian languages) that means "pepper" and "water." British officers during colonial times fell in love with this dish and brought it back to England from India.
Greif Help: I received a message today that one of my dear friends received some news at her ultrasound that her baby has some complications and is going in tomorrow for an amniocentesis. My heart just aches for them! Not because having a child with a disability is a bad thing, but it is a long, heartbreaking road, if their outcome ends up being like ours. When I read what was going on I was instantly taken back to last spring when we received our news, and was in shock, denial, and just uncertain of what was going on. I'm so glad its behind us and is something that I wish no one had to experience. Yet, when I was writing my friend an e-mail back I felt so much love her sweet little baby! And I just encouraged her to Love her baby, and love her pregnancy, because the second she see's her little one her heart will be filled with so much love and concern and I don't want her to regret not loving her baby from the start! When we did Ruby's Amniocentesis was kind of cute! They monitor it to make sure that the baby doesn't get poked. As soon as the needle was in Ruby noticed it and started trying to swim over to see who the intruder was! It was so darling and I knew that that I would have a curious, energetic baby girl! It was true, Ruby had to have her eye's open, taking in the world around her, and no amount of drugs seemed to keep her sleeping for too long! She was always moving something!
I wanted to tell my friend that everything will be okay and not to worry, but I can't do that because sometimes things are not okay and this is one of those situations. But, I can promise that the person you are the day you find out that your future is going to be different than you imagined you change. You are never the same, and it is a good change looking back on it. I'm so grateful for my heart breaking trials of last year! Mr. B and I walked through the fire of life and came out still breathing and a bit more refined. The experiences we have had will be cherished for the rest of our lives, and the memories are forever carried in our hearts! Since tears will be coming tonight, my tears will be for you my dear friend and also my prayers are headed your way!

Recipes for the week of 1/29/12

This week I will be cooking up:
Warm and Hearty Mulligatawny Soup, pg. 16
Sweet Orange Marmalade, pg. 110
Jam Doughnuts, pg. 174
Bon Appetit!