A Season of Sorrow

Our beautiful Ruby was born on October 24, 2o11 and passed away on November 18, 2011. She lived for 3 beautiful weeks, 3 weeks that we will forever cherish and hold near to our hearts! If you would like to know more about her story please visit: www.caringbridge.org just type in Rubygosnell and you will get to see more of her adorable pictures and more infor about our little Angel. 2011 was a year of hardship and trial for us and we don't feel like there is a end to it in our near future as we are waiting on some blood tests to come back for Rose. She is having issues again.
All this being said I am in full swing of grieving and am finding it hard to make it through the day. I decided that I need to do something I love and can look forward to doing, every week just to distract me from my sorrow for a bit, who knows maybe it will help heal some of this big gaping hole in my heart. So, this is what I came up with. I Love Harry Potter, and I love to eat:) My wonderful Husband has never read Harry Potter and as his Christmas gift to me gave me a box full of all 7 Harry Potter books and a promise to read them all with me throughout this year. Then, my Sister gave me "The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook" by Dinah Bucholz, for Christmas. It has 150 recipes in it. So yes, it was a fabulous Christmas. :) Here is My Plan:
1-Read Harry Potter with my husband.
2-Cook 3 recipes from the Harry Potter book a week.
My guidelines: I may have to tweak a few of the recipes or not be able to use them since I don't drink coffee, alcohol, wine, or tea. My sister is going to cook the meals with me and we are going to critic each recipe on a scale of 1-5 as to if we enjoyed it and would ever want to eat it again.
I probably shouldn't print the recipe on here because of copy right, but if you would like the cookbook or to cook along with me you can get it off of Amazon.
This weeks Recipe's:
1-English Fried Eggs and a Gammon of Bacon, a.k.a Eggs and Bacon pg. 3
2-Cauldron Cakes, a.k.a Big Fluffy pancakes pg. 41
3-Newt-shaped ginger cookie, a.k.a. Chewy Ginger Biscuits, pg. 196

Sunday Scripture

I can honestly say that I am not always a "joyful mother of children," But I try to be. The definition of Barren really helps me relate to this more:

"He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to be a joyful mother of children.
Praise ye the Lord."
Prov. 113:9

Consider these definitions for BARREN; deficient, depleted, bleak, drained, empty, exhausted, harsh, hopeless, impoverished, ineffectual, lacking, lonely, simple, unproductive, vain, without, wanting.

Down Syndrome Story from the Ensign

So many people have been telling me about this Ensign Article from this months edition. It is titled "Though Hard to You." It was very sweet, and is interesting to me to find that many of the emotions I have felt and sometimes still feel, the author has felt also. Here is the link if you want to read it: http://lds.org/ensign/2011/08/though-hard-to-you?lang=eng

Onsie Embelishment-Too Cute!!!

Today's Project: Onesie Embellishment
(I know the pic isn't the greatest, but you still get the idea i'm sure. Of course it is even cuter in person:)
I originally got this idea while I was perusing my way through pinterest, and of course had to pin this one to my account. Here is the address with the pictures that inspired me:
http://icandyhandmade.blogspot.com/2011/04/tutorial-onesie-fun.html#more

Of course she didn't have the bow making directions so I had to find another blog with them and found this on:
http://www.prudentbaby.com/2010/04/how-to-make-bow-tie.html
The instructions are for a boy's bow tie, but I used girl material and just did the bow. Then I hand stitched it to the onesie. I am so excited to try the flower embellishment, but need to borrow my Mom's Surger to make it easier...So, if you are looking for a cute baby shower gift or just want a craft to do this one is super fun and super easy.
Happy Sewing:)

Lessons from my 2 year old

1-You don't need music to dance. Just make your own and have a party...it's so fun.
2-Sing the "Happy Day" song everyday of your life. (If you don't know the "Happy Day" song that's ok, just make it up, that's what Rose has done)
3-Always be quick to forgive and forget and move on with your life.
4-Its OK to stop in the middle of the day and take a nap...it will make you happier as the night goes on.
5-It doesn't matter what you are wearing as long as you feel beautiful in it, it doesn't matter what the World thinks.
6-Its always nice when Daddy comes home:)

My Hard Road

I walked a mile with Pleasure.
She chattered all the way,
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne’er a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me!
Robert Browning Hamilton, “Along the Road”

To say that this year has been joyous, exciting and filled with fun experiences for me would be totally inaccurate to how I truly feel. Since I hope that perhaps someday someone who is experiencing what I am currently experiencing will read this post, I will just tell the truth, its hard, really hard emotionally and physically right.
Let me back up to our new year celebration bringing in 2011 the people I love! I was soooooo excited for this year! We had so many fun trips planned, including going to "Harry Potter World" with my Mom and Sister, visiting Russia and Estonia with my husband, going to Florida with the in-laws, hopefully getting pregnant and having a healthy baby sometime around the holiday's...I had the year planned out and it was going to be great. And then life happened. My Daughter was diagnosed with precocious puberty and was seeing multiple doctors quite frequently, later she was diagnosed with a tumor that had to be taken out in late May. I got pregnant and had terrible morning sickness for months, the trips I had wanted to go on didn't happen, My husband still hates his job and it seems that no matter how much applying for new employment always gets denied. Then my pregnancy gets put into the "High Risk" category because the baby is diagnosed with Down syndrome and an unknown heart condition. I have months now to worry about the delivery, the NICU and how to balance my life between being a Wife and Mother, and not just living in the hospital until my new baby is released.
It seems heavier and heavier on my soul to be carrying this DS baby and I honestly don't know why I am pregnant, or wish I could go back and undue what was done and just have an only child. Somehow I suppose that would make everything better. My daughter see's me crying as I still am throwing up over the toilet or just break down in tears when I am driving or talking with someone. She is so sweet and asks in the cutest, littlest voice "Ok mommy? Ok?" And I just give her a hug and a kiss and say I'm ok because I'm not sure if these emotions are because I am pregnant and my hormones are out of control or if life really truly is just so hard to carry right now.
I guess I couldn't just expect a life in the lap of luxury, as much as I wanted it to be that way, and for some reason this year was determined to be the year that truly knocks off a few of my hard edges and makes me a bit more compassionate, soft and understanding to others with the trials they go through. I have come to the realization that the Lord truly knew where to hit my heart the most. He knew that if I was sick, I wouldn't grow as much, so he gave medical issues to my daughters, and knew that this would be the hardest thing for me to handle right now.
So what keeps me going, why do I wake up in the morning and trudge through another day. I guess I know that someday the stresses that I currently carry will lighten and this will just become life for me. I know that trials come to all, and I have been hand picked for these ones. Most importantly I trust in God, and put my Faith in his plan. I read the scriptures and conference talks like crazy right now because I find peace when I turn to Him.
"Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give rest unto your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Mathew
So, yes my road is hard and heavy to carry right, but I am trying, trying so hard to remember the blessings of this year outweigh the sorrows and heartache. For example, we are having another baby girl in a few months, My husband went to Russia, My Daughter doesn't have cancer...

Geneticists Appointment

Today Brian and I went to meet our local Geneticists. (I didn't even know they existed until I needed one) We were just wondering what our future holds as far as having more children with Down syndrome. We found out that our baby has the most common cause of down syndrome which the geneticists explained as a "Fluke with the DNA." At least something is common or normal about our baby. It was an intriguing meeting and I actually felt like that job could be a fun job, if you really like science and dissecting DNA...
Rosie has started to pray for the baby in Mommy's belly. It is so cute! I think she is going to be a very proud big sister!